The Bob Geldof Rant
People such as Shona and I like to rant over certain matters, tonight it was live aid. The only excuse I have for ranting as much as I do is because I'm British Rachael aka a moany PMT filled bitter twisted bitch :) Anyways Shona wrote this hilarious (slightly bad taste) story thing about Mr Geldof which made me laugh loads so I thought I may spread the love. Geldof lovers beware - it's tongue in cheek.


BOB GELDOF'S THOUGHT PROCESSES

1. Hmm feeling a bit bored today...

2. I miss being on the telly

3. I shall try to save the world again!

4. OOOHH poor folk on the telly

5. I shall help them!

6. I'm not giving them my fucking cash!

7. I'll get the commoners to cough up, I do have a knighthood after all

8. Where did I put the BBC's phone number?

9. Alright I'm on the telly

10. I'll get some other famous bastards in on the act-sharing's caring plus i can sit on my arse for a bit whilst they do some of the work. bono's always up for a laugh

11. Ok so got the march organised

12. Hmm Big brother's on.....

13. No! Back to the march!

14. So march is over, I've left the city in a shambles.

15. But hey I sold a few more copies of the Boomtown Rat's greatest hits

16. I'm off to hibernate until the next famine/drought/natural disaster....

THE END

The moment a typhoon hits *phone rings at the Geldof's*

"Dad there's been a natural disaster!"

"WTF!? Let me get my coat it's time for liveaid!"

BBC: "Yes Bob, we were expecting you"

*Bob digs out live aid manual*

"Well let's just re-hash the old idea we had, I can save some pennies.... LIVES! I mean I can save some lives!"

BBC: Maybe we can fly you out to Africa for your live broadcast thsi time, Bob? Make it a bit more authentic?

"Fuck off, we'll stick some trees in the back of the hotel suite. Oi Jimmy - find me a starving African, good lad!"

*10 secs till we go live*

"Right starving African, what's your name again? Zimbibli. Ok, I'm yer new adopted father alright, just hug me and look happy, ok!"

*5 secs till we go live*

"Gimme a bottle of Evian!"

*pours into eyes*

"3, 2, 1 We're live!"

"the time has come again,my friends, for me to call upon your help. I believe I have been put on this earth for a reason (jimmy:"to fuck things up u mean?, bob:"shut yer arse!!!")

"to help the people of the 3rd world, ppl like zimbibli,my new adopted son from a small village i helped rebuild with my bare hands in eritrea (bbc:"you've never been to eritrea bob......", bob:"shut the fuck up!!! they're eatin out my hand!")

"so I appeal to you now,my friends,to join me,take my hand,unite with me and we shall tackle poverty together. by buying the boomtown rats greatest hits, you too can make a difference"

*cuts to emaciated child*

*cuts to sir Bob dancing through a field of flowers*

"Help me make it a reality my friends, help them make it a reality"

*cuts to boomtown rats video*

THE END!